Whether we know it or not, we’re constantly sending and receiving signals from one another through the language of our bodies.  Sometimes the signals are clear and other times they’re grossly misinterpreted.  And although many of these signals may vary from culture to culture, much of what our bodies have to say is internationally understood.  Helping us sort it all out is “The Body Language Handbook: How to Read Everyone’s Hidden Thoughts and Intentions” by Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch.  This fascinating book gives readers the 101 of Body Language, describing the various signals received and sent, sometimes in the most unintentional ways.

Hartley and Karinch are clear about one thing:  You can’t make a snap judgment about anyone by simply making note of their crossed arms or the way they rub their nose when they talk.  Body language reading goes much deeper than that, requiring one to get a “baseline” on the person being observed.  In other words, one needs to know how the person normally behaves.  Are they standing with their legs apart because they’re trying to take up more space and look more dominant, or do they just have a bad back, for instance?  Oftentimes a cultural difference means a person was raised with slightly different signals, such as in the Middle East where it’s improper to gesture towards someone with your left hand.  Many things come into play when reading body language, and the whole picture – indeed the whole person – must be taken into consideration.

Perhaps that seems overwhelming and difficult to discern, but we already read body language every day.  The Body Language Handbook is filled with photos of people’s facial expressions, posture, and other signals that no doubt you’d recognize.  However, I found that when I first started read the photos for myself, I was trying too hardt.  I second guessed myself, and time and again I found that my first reaction was the right one indeed.  But there were still times when reading someone’s body language from just a photograph was impossible.  I didn’t know until it was explained to me what had happened just moments before certain photographs were taken.  This helped drive the point home that indeed there is much to take into account.

Most surprising to me was what I learned about myself.  I immediately began picking up on signals I use even when no one’s around; for instance digging in my fridge and doubting I’d find what I really wanted to find, I caught myself making a face of disapproval, almost sarcasm, as if to tell the fridge “See, I knew you wouldn’t have what I was looking for!”  I immediately recognized my expression as one from the handbook.  Of course one can do much more than catch themselves making faces at inanimate objects as I did.  Understanding body language can become a useful tool when interacting with others.  Relationships both in and out of work would benefit from putting such knowledge to practice.  Improved communication will no doubt begin to grow as you learn how to better understand others and project yourself.

The Body Language Handbook is meant to be read straight through first to lay a foundation, but after one has done that, it can be used as a helpful reference.  The book is well written and easy to understand, and both authors bring a lot of knowledge and experience to the table.  Gregory Hartley taught both interrogation and resistance to interrogation for the U.S. Army and has also provided body language and behavioral analysis for print, TV, and radio.  Maryann Karinch has authored five other books with Gregory Hartley, all dealing with human behavior, deception, and body language, which includes How to Spot a Liar.  She’s held senior communications positions with a variety of companies in the technology industry.

The Body Language Handbook: How to Read Everyone’s Hidden Thoughts and Intentions ($15.99 retail) is published by Career Press.

Welcome to 2010!  As we move into the New Year, we thought it would be fun to have another go at reading some body language.  More than just a parlor trick, reading body language can be particularly useful on the job, especially when dealing with more challenging coworker issues human resource personnel are prone to do.  Of course the one thing to always remember is this:  People are rather unpredictable.  While reading body language is hardly infallible, it is certainly a tool that can help shed some light on those tougher situations.  Here’s what the eyes may be telling you:

 Looking Up:  When a person looks up, he or she may be trying to bring something from their memory to the surface.  In general, looking up and to the left indicates recalling a specific memory while up and to the right indicates creativity.  Creativity while talking sometimes results in lies, as we well know.  However, there is the rare individual who flip-flops these two and creates to the left while recalling to the right.  Then again, unsightly spots on the ceiling have been known to make the more observant look upwards as well.

Looking Down:  When someone looks down while talking to you, it may be a sign of submission, even guilt.  Down and to the left is often a signal that the person is talking to themselves inwardly, while down and to the right often indicates they’re thinking of something that has emotional significance.  

Pupils:  Oftentimes, when someone is interested in something you have to say, their pupils will dilate.  Change to a dull topic, and the pupils will shrink back once again.

Blinking:  Most people blink about 6 – 10 times per minute.  While blinking more may be an indication of flirting, it also may be an indication that the person’s contact lenses are dry.

Eye Contact:  Most of us know that eye contact shows an interest in what someone has to say, but constant eye contact can be more aggressive.  Someone who doesn’t look away may be subconsciously starting an old fashioned stare-down.  If little or no contact is being made, it may be because the person doesn’t like you, or they may be shy or nervous. For some cultures, eye contact is not acceptable behavior, so if someone won’t look directly at you, it may be best to avoid any feelings of offense.  They might simply be showing you respect.

Overall, body language reading can be fun and helpful.  The more you use it in your daily life, the more it will become second nature.  Always take into account differing personality types, and remember, although the eyes may have it, humans are a tricky bunch that don’t care for following all the rules.  Sometimes there really is just a spot on the ceiling.