It is rare today to find someone who isn’t struggling with some aspect of health and well-being: stress, overwhelm, low energy, weight fluctuation (mostly upward), health, etc. I am writing this series of brief pieces to offer insights on what it takes to get over and beyond such struggles, changing or even transforming on a small or large [...]]]>

- by Margaret Moore

It is rare today to find someone who isn’t struggling with some aspect of health and well-being: stress, overwhelm, low energy, weight fluctuation (mostly upward), health, etc. I am writing this series of brief pieces to offer insights on what it takes to get over and beyond such struggles, changing or even transforming on a small or large scale. I get as much out of writing these pieces as anyone reading them – we all need regular doses of new inspiration and ideas. Fortunately, the knowledge base on how we change is ever growing.

My first piece last month started on motivation and in particular the importance of the inside out approach — finding one’s heartfelt desire for a life improvement that serves as the light in dark moments. The brighter the better. This burning desire helped a schizophrenic woman get out of a psychiatric hospital and onto her feet living independently as a manicurist, enjoying the satisfaction of producing prettily painted finger and toenails. While there is much more to share on motivation, it isn’t wise to do that until we bring into the picture a second and equally important dimension: our confidence in being successful at whatever it is we want to change.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t you’re right – Henry Ford

When we really want to do something, and we also really believe that we can do it, the synergy of motivation and confidence creates an upward spiral that is unstoppable. However, self-doubts (AKA “I can’t do it”) stop us in our tracks. While good intentions abound, we drive with the brakes on when our confidence is low. A famous coach, Dave Buck, once said that what draws a client to a coach is that the coach’s certainty is greater than the client’s doubt. Confidence is often the missing ingredient on the road to change.

So even though I would have loved to win an Olympic medal in cross- country skiing in my 20s and I love the feeling of a strong rhythmic glide through snow, I did not have the requisite physical talent. So my confidence in succeeding was a zero out of 10, taking my motivation to zero too. Most smokers really want to quit smoking but they doubt their ability to break both the physical and psychological addiction, borne out by failed attempts. So instead of keeping the motivational fire lit, they light a cigarette, enjoying the temporary bliss of a mindful moment while feeling badly that they lack the confidence needed to quit for good.

In the medical expert model, health professionals have long focused on providing knowledge and advice. While knowledge is valuable and it can increase both motivation and confidence, it is just a start. One of the reasons that most people regain the weight they lose within two years of dieting is that while they worked diligently to lose weight, they didn’t grow the skills and confidence needed to maintain their lighter weight. Many invest in personal training sessions and learn how to lift weights safely, adding strength and tone, but don’t gain the skills and confidence to work out on their own.

I am coaching a client named Susan who has Stage IV breast cancer, and when we started she had come close to giving up on forging a new life. She first decided to commit to finding and following a new life purpose, tentatively at first. Having had a long career in commercial real estate, reinventing her professional life at age 50 seemed way outside her comfort zone. Susan took some initial steps with an open mind and carefully recruited a supportive social network, attending diligently to keeping her fears at bay. She boldly reached out to a national conference on integrative oncology and soon had created a team and vision to start a nonprofit and raise funds to allow cancer patients to get access to resources to support thriving, just as Susan is modeling. Susan’s motivation outpaced her confidence initially. And then by breaking the journey into small steps that worked well, her confidence caught up within a few months. Even her bone tumors have regressed, enhancing her confidence further. Now Susan is unstoppable.

Whether we’re getting fit, learning how to meditate or cook or developing a new track in life, it’s important to build both confidence and motivation, so like Susan we’re driving to wellness without the brakes on.

Author Bio:  Margaret Moore (Coach Meg) writes for the Huffington Post.  She is a personal coach in health care.